Proud To Be An American

...So proud of and thankful for the heroes in Massachusetts tonight.
May all the victims rest in peace and their families remain in our hearts and prayers.
Now please, be kind to one another...

.Boston.

Today, my heart goes out to Boston.

I don't consider myself a runner. I work out. I walk on my treadmill daily and run when I'm feeling motivated.

People who run the Boston Marathon are more than motivated. They train... for a long time... and they train hard. They train their body... and their mind. They run for many reasons. They dedicate their run to people they love, to people who are fighting illnesses, and to people they don't even know. They run to complete a life goal... to check a huge accomplishment off their bucket list. They don't complain... they run.

They run in celebration, they run in dedication, but they don't expect to run from an explosion. An explosion that today, changed many lives.

And who does this person/these people responsible think they are, intruding and destroying so many dreams, so many bodies, so many lives? And why? Will we ever know the answer? More importantly, will we ever be able to comprehend it?

No. The answer is no. We will never understand why people destroy others. Religion, politics, race... it's all the same these days. Just another reason for someone to hate someone else. Hate. Pure hate. Why must we be so ignorant that we can't understand that people will never agree on certain aspects of life? There has to come a point where we must stop trying to make others think/feel/see/believe what we do. It will never work. I have been a believer (dreamer, I guess) of Peace my entire life... but as life goes on and the world continues to go down the path it currently is... it's getting harder and harder to believe.

Growing up, we are taught not to run from our fears. We are told to face them head on and not let them control our lives. I fear we've hit a point in our society where that's becoming less and less possible. People say, "Don't let it change the way you live, that's what they want"... but let's be honest, that's just not possible anymore. We live in a world so filled with hatred and recklessness that these senseless events are occurring more often and will continue to. I don't know what will stop them anymore. The United States is being murdered by terrorists just as often as it is being murdered by our own citizens. And for many different reasons. How the hell do you make it stop?!

Becoming a Mom changed my outlook on fear. I no longer feared things for myself, but for my children. All of a sudden, everything seemed so much scarier than it ever had before. As a parent, it is my job to protect my children. How am I suppose to do that when I can't even protect myself? Protection is no longer in our hands. Our safety now lies in the hands of the strangers who surround us. People are being killed at work, killed on airplanes, killed at school, killed at the movies, killed at church, killed at the mall, and now, killed while attending a marathon. It makes me sick to my stomach. How am I suppose to feel safe taking my children anywhere? Everywhere I go, I am skeptical of those around me. What are their motives? Face it, we are living in a society we can not trust.

My only hope to begin fixing such a major problem is that people will start pulling together and learning to trust one another. In today's world, it is NOT going to be easy. We need to learn from the heroes... the Police Officers, the Firefighters, the Military, the Doctors, the Nurses, and the every day people who are running IN to the chaos. We need more people running in, if not to have one another's back in assisting those who are wounded and in need, then to at least hold one another's hand in prayer. I'm not sure what God is thinking when events like this happen... but I like to think He is present in the hearts of the helpers.

When my children ask me what is happening when they witness these heartbreaks on the news, I try to let them feel the sadness of the moment, but also allow them to learn from it. We want so badly to shield our kids from the evils of the world, but it is sadly the society they are growing up in. They have been robbed of the innocence of growing up in a world where you could trust your neighbor. We need to explain these situations so they are aware. The last thing we want is for our kids to be ill-prepared to face what is out there. We must teach them that it's OK to feel the sorrow in such situations, but that it's also important to act in them. We must act not just for ourselves, but for each other.

My thoughts and prayers are with Boston today... for those who were robbed of their life, their health, their family, and their dreams. Please, be a person who lives their life through love... not hate.

You Own Your Stories

"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better."

Brilliant.

Truth

..."God says we need to love our enemies. It's hard to do. But it can start by telling the truth. No one had ever asked me what it felt like to be me. Once I told the truth about that, I felt free..." -The Help

...Dream

Here's one of the projects I did today. It's one of my Great Grandma's old end tables... the before and after. I made it for the girls' bedroom. And, that's one of my Great Grandma's crochet doilies on top of it. I love how it turned out and love that there's a piece of my Great Grandma living on in my daughters' room!

Rise & Shine

The girls were SO excited to see the moon this morning. I then explained to them that it's WAY more exciting to see the sun in the morning... ;)

Rise With The Sun

Another pretty sunrise today! I guess that's one good thing about your kids getting up super early every day... you always get to see the sunrise. :)

Baby Animal Teeth

This morning, Nenni ran to the bookshelf, grabbed the Muppet Babies book, and ran back to me and Buddy. Then she opened it to a specific page, pointed to Animal, and said, "Buddy, see?! You need to grow teeth like this!" ...He'll work on that... ;)

The "R" Word

A couple weeks ago I started watching the show "Parenthood". I had never seen an episode of it, but I always heard people talking about how awesome it was. So, I figured I'd check it out.

I'm so glad I did.

Turns out, it's a great show, and I'm only halfway through Season 2. I actually watch it while I walk/run on my treadmill. The time flies by and I feel like I learn stuff about my own life through it. 

Anyways, today one of the episodes I watched dealt with the "R" word. (retard/retarded) It leaves a bad taste in my mouth just from typing it. 

I've always had a very strong opinion about this word. I find it to be worse than the "F" word, the "S" word, and equal with the "N" word... all the curse words that I was never allowed to say growing up. My entire life, I have never used this word. I don't find a reason to, and I get offended when I hear someone use it. It's almost always used in a negative and/or hurtful way. Throughout my childhood, any time someone used it towards someone else, basically to call them stupid, I would cringe. And to this day, when I hear someone call someone else that word, I immediately think less of them. I do. It makes people look completely disrespectful, unprofessional, and uneducated.

The word retard is defined as "a slowing down, to be delayed", so why do people so often use it to call people dumb? And to make fun of people? Slow does not mean dumb. It has become a negative word simply because people have used it in the wrong sense. 

The "R" word is just another word for disabled or handicapped. Sadly, I understand how it has been turned into a meaning that is not its truth. 

Someone who is disabled is not stupid. They are not dumb. And they definitely aren't retarded in the sense that the world now uses that word. 

A mentally disabled person has a mental handicap. A physically disabled person has a physical handicap. But... don't we all?! We are all disabled in different ways, and on different levels. We are all good at things, and we are all bad at things... and we all face different challenges in life because of it. We are no different from one another in the sense that, not one of us is perfect. (I, for instance, have no sense of smell!)

I wanted to make a post about this because it has always been a very large part of my own life. 

I have an uncle who is physically and mentally disabled. He was born very premature and wasn't supposed to live past birth. Well, he did, and he's now in his mid 40's, and he is amazing. He has lived with my grandparents his whole life, and they too are amazing. So when I hear people get called the "R" word simply because of the way they look, the way they talk, or the way they act, it cuts me deep. Being disabled is not a negative thing. Yes, it makes life harder in many ways, but it doesn't mean the person is bad or contagious (some people seriously think that). They are a human being. They are someone's family. In fact, my uncle is one of the most amazing people I have met in my entire life. He has taught me more about my life than most people I've met or schooling I've had. There are so many things I admire about him. His smile is contagious. He's hilarious. He's witty. He loves everything about music. He loves going for rides on his tractor. He loves to give high-fives. And he loves the Brewers more than anything in the world. He is nothing short of amazing... and his life alone is a complete miracle. A disabled person sees life through a different perspective... and in ways... I think the world truly needs that. It's actually quite refreshing to see the simplicity of their thoughts. I'll never forget one day when my siblings and I were at my grandparents house, a long, long time ago... we were eating cheese puffs at the kitchen table with my uncle. We were trying to teach him a math problem (he has the mentality of a toddler), and one of us asked him, "If you have 5 bananas and you eat 4 of them, what do you get?" As we were all thinking "1", he laughed and answered, "A stomach ache!" Brilliant, right?! We were all thinking in mathematical terms, and he gave the best answer I ever could have imagined. And he was right! To this day, I think of that moment, and I am reminded of the brilliance of his brain. He may be disabled, but all that means is his brain works in a different way than my own. And who's to say who is smarter?! We are both smart in different ways, and to be honest, I admire the way he thinks. That moment made me realize that though someone may be physically and mentally disabled, they are still a brilliant human being who can remind the world of the simplicity of life.

There is nothing wrong with a person who has a disability of any level. They were put here on this earth for a reason, and instead of criticizing one another, I hope someday this world will be able to look to one another for knowledge. We can learn from every person we meet. I hope people will stop associating the "R" word with such negative feelings and expressions. We all need to start embracing each others differences and stop being so negative and cruel towards those who are different from us. Stop being so judgmental and start being more accepting. And please, just stop using the "R" word to put others down. It's not OK.

My Uncle :)

Friendship On Fire

Someone once said, "Love is friendship on fire."

That fire is what got me here in the first place. Don't get me wrong, this is the only fire I have ever heard of that ends with a positive result. And for me, I saw that positive result when I took my first pregnancy test.

I fell in love when I was 22 years old, with the man I hoped to marry someday. Love came into our relationship pretty quickly. I fell hard and fast. What can I say, the feeling of finding someone to love, who loves you back, doesn't always come about as easily as we dream that it will.

I accidentally got pregnant when I was 23 years old. Little did I know, my definition of love would be completely redefined the day I would give birth to my first child.

Growing up you always hear people talking about not knowing how much love we are capable of having in our lives until we become a parent. That phrase honestly always annoyed me. I'd think, whatever, I know what love is...

I was wrong. I knew what falling in love with a stranger meant. The love I didn't know yet, was so much more. Having a child changes you. Completely. The moment that child comes out of you, they are not a stranger, they are someone you are wholeheartedly in love with, someone you feel like you have known forever, someone you don't know how you lived life without, and someone you are completely responsible for raising, protecting, supporting, and loving. That child comes out, and it is automatically the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, and that you will ever see for the rest of your life. And in that moment of love, all you can think about is the fact that that tiny human came from you... from love. Love creates beauty. Love creates miracles. And love, it creates a home in your heart where that child will live forever.

I once heard a quote that said, "Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."

I honestly could not phrase it better myself. My children, they are all a piece of me. A piece of my heart. A piece of my soul. They complete me. No matter what I go through in life, I know my babies will always be with me. When times are hard, all it takes is a single hug, kiss, or "Mommy, I love you" to remind me that life is good and I am ok. I feel so blessed to have the love of 3 children in my life. I love being surrounded by them... their humor, their honest voices, their natural beauty, and yes, even their snotty noses. I love everything about them. Everything.

So today, on Valentine's Day, I want to thank my husband, for giving me 3 beautiful children to love. I'm forever grateful for being blessed to know the true depth of love.

My silly Valentines:

 

6 Months

6 months ago today, I gave birth.

6 months already?! That is insanely hard to believe. My little Buddy is growing up waaay too fast... as all the kids seem to be. As a mom, I have very mixed emotions about my babies growing up. On one hand, it's wonderful, because I absolutely love seeing the little people they are becoming. But on the other hand, I want them to stay little forever, because I just adore them as they are today.

But, time passes no matter how hard we try to make it slow down.

I'm so in love with my Buddy... and so proud to say I'm his Mom. And while he may be growing up faster than I'd like... he (thankfully!) still loves his Mommy snuggles. :)

Oops...

Soooo this happened today.

Girl (who is potty trained) was so tired she forgot to pull her pants down before she went potty. (And didn't realize it until Mommy came in and asked what she was doing!) lol... ooh the surprises of being Mommy. :)

Mommy Degree

I just want to make something clear.

Someone made a comment today (not to me, but in front of me), and I took offense to it.

Usually I let mindless comments pass by... but I feel like this one needed to be addressed. (And this post is not meant to make this person feel bad, but instead, to educate them.)

I am a Stay-at-home Mom for a few reasons:
     1. It was my number 1 goal in life, to have kids, and be able to raise them myself.
     2. Day Care costs a fortune, and putting 3 kids in it would cost more than I'd be making at a full-time job.
     3. Because I am smart with money, and my husband makes enough for us to survive on 1 income. (And no, cops don't make a lot of money!)

Now, being a Stay-at-home Mom does NOT mean that I am wasting my college degree.

The choice to stay home and raise my children is mine. I have chosen to put my kids first and to put my career on hold until I feel it's time to pursue it. My kids are my life... my heart, my soul, my breath. They are my job. And they are only young once. Staying home with them does not mean I wasted 5.5 years of my life in college.

Let me tell you what it does mean. Making a choice to stay home means that I AM fulfilling my dream job. Just because I have a degree does not mean that what I majored in in college is what I want to do for the rest of my life. My choice is to be a mom. I will be a mom for the rest of my life. That is my job. That is my career. That is my life. My choice.

Yes, I have a college degree. Will I use it someday? Maybe, maybe not. Who's to say you need a degree to be successful anyways?! I know plenty of people who never went to college who are successful... and happy. If I don't use my degree, does it mean it was pointless to get it? A waste of time? A waste of money? No. Not at all. My college experience was a journey. Without going through the process of college, I would not be where I am today. I would not be the person I am today. And I probably would not have the family I have today. College isn't always just about the degree, that piece of paper at the end of a long road. For me, it was about the experiences. The people. The memories... and the challenges.

I am proud of my degree. I am proud that someday I can tell my kids (some of) my stories from my journey through college. I have a degree in Broadcast Journalism. My goal in that field was to be a TV Host. Most people will think I'm crazy, but hey, someone has to fill the shoes of the host, right?! Why not me? Well, life decided to change my dreams, and gave me a child. Then another child. Annnnd yes, another. Now my dream is to raise children... happy, good-hearted, well-mannered, loving, children. To do so, I have to be present in their life. I am a mom. THAT is my job.

Now, I'm not knocking working moms, as I believe the best mom is one that does what they feel is best for their family. I support all mothers, whether they choose to work or not, because we all have to do what is right for us. I just couldn't help but feel like I needed to stand up for moms who stay home, but also have college degrees. Kids are only young for a very short period of time... they will be in school full-time before you know it, and then, if we choose, stay-at-home moms can go back to work full-time.

I guess it just left a bad taste in my mouth when someone said that a stay-at-home mom's degree was a waste.

Afterall, a mom (a parent, really) is the only occupation that doesn't require a degree, but should. ;)

Weightloss

Ooh, the dreaded word... Weightloss.

Losing weight is hard. Seriously.

Ok, but let's be honest here, if losing weight were easy, everyone would be thin. My goal is to be fit.

After being pregnant for the majority of the past 4 years of my life, I'm now in the battle of trying to lose ALL of the baby weight. Annnnd thensome. I'm really proud of myself, as I managed to lose 12 pounds last month. Someone asked me what my secret was... and the honest answer, persistence.

I spent a lot of time over the past few months doing research. I am not a fan of any type of diet. They don't work for me, because I don't believe in eliminating everything I love to eat from my daily life. And I'm not gonna lie, I LOVE food. Pretty much all food. I'm really not picky. So the word "diet" doesn't sit well with me. Diet, to me, makes me think I'm withholding something from myself, and that really messes with my head! And a lot of weightloss, is mental, getting our head in the right state of mind. Plus, we all know once we get off the diet, some of the weight comes back. If not more. I also don't believe in only drinking "magical" juices that will make you lose tons of weight. Again, once you stop, won't the weight come back?! We've all heard it before, but it's the honest truth, it's a lifestyle change. It's about eating things in moderation. And it's about knowing what is good for your body, and what isn't.

So, I decided to educate myself. My husband suggested going to the website bodybuilding.com. At first I was hesitant, because I obviously didn't want to look like a bodybuilder. But, after checking it out, I realized it was focused on being healthy, not being hugely built. It has become a type of fitness bible for me. I visit it almost daily. Seriously. The day I discovered that website was the day my mind finally had its "Aha!" moment, and everything just clicked. There is SO much information, and so I began to read. All of it. Seriously, you can spend a lot of time just reading and reading... and not know how you even got onto a topic you are now reading so much about. I told myself that if I am going to lose this weight, I'm going to do it the right way. I'm going to clean up my diet, and I'm going to find workouts that work for me.

So, that's what I did. I read a lot about what foods are the best for your body, as fuel. Chicken, sweet potatoes, and broccoli, quickly became my best friends. I honestly didn't believe that just by changing my diet, I would lose weight. I didn't eat bad before, I don't crave sweets, but I wasn't giving my body what it needed for fuel. So I did a one week test. I switched my eating habits... I started eating more often, more food, but the RIGHT foods. I didn't start working out or anything, I kept everything the same, except my eating. Guess what? I ended up losing 7 pounds that week. No joke. I couldn't believe it myself. I'm thankful that I put myself to that test, because it really got my mind focused, and it was like my body was telling me, yes, THIS is the way to do it! It turned out to be fantastic motivation to keep me going.

I also started drinking more water. When you're pregnant, you drink tons of water. When I'm not pregnant, I really have to force myself to drink water. So, I went to the store, bought a gallon pitcher, and fill it up every night. That way, the next day, I know exactly how much water I still need to drink that day. It helps me keep track, because honestly, I have 3 little kids to keep schedules for, so keeping track of how many glasses of water I've had during the day, would be nuts. So, I have my own gallon pitcher that I know I have to drink completely by the end of the day. It actually isn't hard to do anymore... and I usually end up drinking a few extra glasses per day. Crazy, right?! But totally do-able!

That next week I figured out a workout plan. I've never lifted weights before, besides a few times when I lived with my parents. I'd use my dad's weights from time to time, but nothing religiously. I knew in order to keep going with my weightloss, I needed to hold myself accountable for every single day. I needed to take things one day at a time. Now, every day I know what I need to do to fullfill my workout for that day, and it's completely up to me to make it happen. I made a chart so that every day I worked out, I would mark down what I did, and the days I didn't workout, I would put a huge X through the day. It didn't take long for me to realize that I did NOT like seeing X's on my chart. I hated it. Now, it's motivation enough to make sure I see as few X's as possible. It's weird the things that help us stay motivated, isn't it?!

Truth is, I finally got sick of feeling fat. I feel disgusting every day, hate looking in the mirror, and long to wear my old clothes again. I got to the point where I told myself, this is MY choice. Yes, I have 3 kids (3 and under), I'm a full-time stay-at-home mom, and I have a husband who is rarely home because of work, and when he is, he has to sleep, so no, I don't have a lot of spare time. I don't have a lot of time for me. And honestly, the past 5 years of my life, I haven't spent ANY time on myself. So I told myself it was time to MAKE some time for myself. If we try to FIND time in our days, we never will. We have to MAKE it.

So, make time is what I did. Now, after I put my 3 kids to bed, and make sure everyone falls asleep, I head to my workout room. I spend at least 1 hour on my treadmill and also lift weights. And honestly, I've really started to LIKE working out! Crazy, right?! ha! But really, I'm finding it to be a nice new challenge. It feels good to be putting energy into something for ME. And now that I'm beginning to see results and feel changes, it's just more encouragement to keep going. I don't want to quit this time. I don't want to have to start the process over again. I want to push myself to lose the last of my baby weight (10 more pounds!!!), and then I want to challenge myself to keep going and see what my body is capable of looking like! Why not, right?!

I gained 46 pounds with my first baby (given she was 9lbs 3oz herself), 19 pounds with my 2nd baby (which I lost completely the week after I gave birth!), and 37lbs with my 3rd baby. Now, I lost weight between all the pregnancies, and only carried 10 pounds of baby weight from my 1st baby through my 3rd pregnancy... if that makes sense?! So, now I'm back down to that size and have only those last 10 pounds to lose. Thank the Lord! ha! So, my next goal is to lose those 10 pounds. After that, I want to focus more on toning my body, and in that effort, lose more fat and gain more muscle. My ultimate goal is to be able to wear a bikini again, and feel good doing so! I guess the only thing to figure out once that time comes... is how to get rid of stretch marks! Then again, those stretch marks represent the miracle that life is, and I'm pretty ok with them. :) Although, the whole "they're hereditary" story about why we get them... is crap. My mom, who is tiny, had 4 kids and never got a single stretch mark! Oh well, I'm a woman, I've made 3 perfect little kids, and I'm damn thankful for every challenge my body experienced and overcame in the process.

Life itself is a miracle, and I want to be sure I live it to the absolute fullest. Losing weight and becoming fit is one of the best ways to ensure I will do just that.

As someone once said, "It comes down to a simple question... What do you want out of life, and what are you willing to do to get it?"

.If You Give A Mommy Some Free Time.

...If you give a Mommy some free time (sleeping kids), she might decide to work out. If she decides to work out, she will start running on a treadmill. If she starts running on a treadmill, she will become sweaty. As soon as she becomes sweaty, she will see on her monitor that one of her kids is now awake. When she sees child crying and running out of their room, Mommy will jump off her treadmill, run up her basement stairs and accidentally scare the crap out of crying child. After crying child gets over her initial fear of sweaty Mommy, she will continue to cry... louder. When she continues to cry, Mommy will ask her what is wrong. When asked what is wrong, child will tell Mommy she is sad and wants to snuggle with Mommy's shoulder. (lol) If child wants to snuggle with Mommy's shoulder, Mommy will never refuse. When the sweaty shoulder snuggles begin, child will ask for Mommy to sing to her. When Mommy starts to sing, child will request 3 different songs. Child will also suggest Mommy sings each song 7 times. After Mommy talks child down in the number of songs requested, child asks for her head to be rubbed. When Mommy thinks child finally fell back asleep, the snuggles, singing, and head rubbing will stop, and Mommy will sneak out of child's bedroom. While sneaking out of child's bedroom, the door will decide to squeak loudly and wake sad child back up. Mommy will re-enter screaming child's room, and repeat the process over again. Child will then look at Mommy and ask if Mommy's hair is sweaty. Child will then notice Mommy's workout headband and ask if she can wear one too. Mommy will tell her she can tomorrow, if she goes to sleep NOW. When child falls asleep, Mommy will again, try to escape from child's room. When Mommy tries to escape, her shoe will loudly, on accident, hit the door on the way out. When Mommy's shoe hits the door, she will remember she has shoes on. When she remembers she has shoes on, she will be reminded that she was working out. And when a Mommy starts to work out, she just might start running on her treadmill...

You Are My Sunshine

"The worst feature of a new baby, is its mother's singing."

haha! In my household... this could not be more true! :) I have a horrible singing voice... I know and willingly admit it. I've sang to my babies since the day my 1st one was born. I've always sang the song, "You Are My Sunshine", and to this day, it can calm any one of my children down if sang. It has become their comfort go-to song. Even though I'm pretty sure every mom sings it to her children, I feel like it is our special song. So when it came time to start decorating my kids' bedrooms, I wanted to somehow incorporate the song into the decor. So, I decided to make signs to hang above their beds, with the lyrics on them. Here's a little preview of them (still have A LOT of decorating to do!):

Girl Room:

Boy Room:

..."You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you... Please don't take my sunshine away."...

Play-Doh

Today, we made Play-Doh.

I really have a love/hate relationship with Play-Doh. It's so fun and yes, my kids LOVE it, but why does it have to be so messy?! The stuff you buy at the store is horrible. It crumbles and leaves tiny pieces stuck to everything. And it's not fun trying to pick off the tiny pieces that have embedded themselves on your 2 year old's pants, in an attempt to prevent a freak-out over dirty pants...

The key is to make your own. It's WAY less crumbly and you can make it any color. Now, there are at least 923743997 million different recipes for homemade Play-Doh on the internet. They are all basically the same, with just a few changes. I've figured out what works best for me, and so I will post the recipe, with picture directions, below. Whip up a couple batches (or double batches), and your kids will love it. Kids get bored so easily in the winter that this is a great way to help pass some time. :)

What you will need:
1 cup  Flour
1 cup Water
2 teaspoons  Cream of Tartar (found by the spices)
1/3 cup  Salt (A lot of recipes call for 1/2 cup, but 1/3 leaves the Play-Doh feeling smoother.)
1 tablespoon  Vegetable Oil (Some recipes say to use Baby Oil... DO NOT! Horribly greasy!)
Food Coloring!

Start by mixing all the ingredients (except food coloring), in a saucepan (or whatever works best for you...). Below is what it will look like before you start mixing it all together. Pretty simple.

Next, start cooking over low heat, making sure to keep stirring it. Should look like this:

Once it begins to thicken, add the food coloring. (You can also do this after the Play-Doh is done cooking, just makes a bigger mess.) I like to use the Neon food coloring... makes for some really fun colors for the kids. Plus, it's bright and cheery! :)

After adding the food coloring, continue stirring until the mixture is much thicker and begins to gather around the spoon. At this point, it will look like the picture below, and you will think you (somehow) screwed up. You did not. It just looks like a nasty, sticky mess. Do not worry. Do not give up. Every time I make it, I always think I did something wrong, only to discover perfect Play-Doh has been made!

The cooking is done. (Yay!) Remove the Play-Doh and let it cool. I suggest putting it on Wax Paper to let it cool and to finish squishing it together to mix the color in better and get the right consistency. Now, tell the kids you're still making it (shhh!), and go ahead, play with it. Play-Doh is amazing and even as adults, it's STILL pretty darn fun!

We ended up making all 4 colors today, because, why not?! :) I like to store it in Zip Lock Bags... it keeps REALLY well!

The girls approved! :)

Oh yea, I can't forget that halfway through our Play-Doh making extravaganza, Aussie (my 2 year old) had a potty accident on the family room carpet. Never fails. She hasn't had any accidents in months, completely potty trained, and then as soon as Mommy has something on the stove, Tadaaaaa! Seriously.
So, I figured I'd let you all know about a handy machine I use to clean up such accidents. My genius mother gave my sis and I these "Green Machines" when we started having kids. It's perfect. When you have kids, you know that half of your day is spent cleaning up or wiping off many types of bodily fluids, and this wonderful invention sure does help! :) Every parent needs one!

With that said, it was a successful Play-Doh making day! :)

Worm Cupcakes anyone?! (Made by Aussie!)

Quote Of The Day

...Last night after dinner I was telling the girls that while I was pregnant with them I craved coleslaw, watermelon, and egg rolls. Nenni laughed and said to me, "When YOU were in MY tummy, guess what I always wanted?" So I asked her what it was and she yelled, "BEER!!!" ...lol...Oh boy...

Kids Are Hilarious

Seriously though, kids ARE hilarious.

These are my daughters. The one playing the guitar on the right is Nenni (nickname). She's 3. The one on the left is Aussie (nickname). She's 2. They are hilarious.

Nenni is playing her guitar... while Aussie is pretending hers is a giant Juice Box. lol... Kids have the best imaginations... :)

Arms

...You know you had a good arm workout when you're showering afterward and washing your hair seems like an almost impossible task.....

Mommy Intuition

When you become a parent, you develop a special type of intuition when it comes to your children. You hate when they are sick, and you do everything you can to make sure they get better as soon as possible. You always hear people say they wish they could take their child's place because they'd rather it's them that is sick and not their child. You snuggle them, give them juice, let them watch a lot of movies, and of course, you medicate them. ;)When you become a parent, your instincts, your gut feelings, become extremely strong. You just “know” when something isn't right with your child. Ever since my baby boy, (I'll refer to him on my blog as "Buddy"), was born, he has had an excessive amount of phlegm. He would "spit up" at all times of the day, and in massive amounts. After asking a few doctors about it, I kept getting the response, “He’s gaining weight, he’s fine” or "Babies spit up". Oh really?! ...I'd go on to tell them that I've had 2 other babies, who both spit up (one projectile spit up), but that Buddy's' "spitting up" was different. It was actual vomit, and was causing him pain. I got sent on my way by one doctor, with him adding, "That's what babies do". Obviously, that did nothing but fuel my fire. When Buddy turned 2 months, he had some things of concern happen. I called his doctor and got him in immediately, to which some tests were ran, and everything came back “fine”. Over the past 2.5 months, we've switched his formula more than a handful of times and had him allergy tested (no food allergies). He’s had multiple X-rays and Ultrasounds, and again, everything was “fine”. A few weeks ago, his doctor called me and said they found something wrong with his intestines. His doctor told me that Buddy's X-rays showed that he has a Birth Defect called Malrotation. Basically, the intestines don’t turn and attach in the normal way, causing them to be “loose” and able to twist around themselves. I had never heard of this, but apparently 1 in 500 kids are born with it (quite common). Some people live their whole lives with it and never know it, while others die from complications caused by it.The key is to find it and treat it early on. Thankfully, we found it. Which brings me to the past week of our lives. He had surgery on January 7th to fix/move his intestines and remove his appendix (part of fixing Malrotation). Turns out 1 in every 50 surgeries to fix Malrotation, the surgeon goes in, and finds that what they saw on the X-rays, doesn't exist. Thanking the Lord that Buddy turned out to be that 1 in 50. Doesn't make sense at all to me, but I'm thankful my Buddy's surgery turned out to be much less invasive than originally planned. Unfortunately this also means nothing was fixed and he will still be feeling as crappy as before. Confused... but considering this a miracle. :) Now I'll let you enjoy some pictures from my little man's 1st hospital experience... he's such a champ!

The girls and little man before his surgery... giving him lots of extra kisses!

He wasn't so sure about his new hospital outfit... orrrrr the hospital itself.

Buddy's bed after his surgery.

Such a champ! After surgery he was all smiles... annnd flirting with all the nurses! ;)

Poor little man had a rough first night... this was the only way he would sleep. :(

Seriously... that face. :) 

"Mommy, can we go home now?!" Feeling much better Day 2! 

It's been a long journey of mysteries that still have yet to be solved... but Mama is gonna keep pushing for answers. As of now they're saying it may be a really severe case of Acid Reflux... but we're being referred to another doctor. So, we will see what happens...

Change

Change is a choice.

I've heard phrases similar to this my whole life. Heck, I'm sure I've heard this exact phrase a billion times over... but for some reason, when I heard it tonight, something clicked.

I was running on my treadmill when it was spoken on a commercial. I've figured out some tricks for my time management issues... I catch up on my shows while I run. I used to only listen to music while running, because that's what motivated me, but lately that just wasn't cutting it. So, why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone?! So as my mile long list of DVR'd shows is slowly dwindling, I'm hoping my body is too. ;)

When I heard a man on some random commercial say, "Change... is choice", I thought to myself... duh. Seriously... I've always known this... why haven't I applied it to my life until now?!

So, as of today, I will continue to remind myself that change is, in fact, a choice. And a change in my life needs to be my choice. I need to choose to get my butt in my workout room every day so that I can change what I don't like about myself. It's nice to actually feel excited to make the necessary changes... Here goes. :)

KENNY!

So I was finally filling out my 2013 calendar tonight (now that it's already January 5th...), and after filling in birthdays, anniversaries, doctors appointments, and all the other random events, I got to write in HUGE letters, on May 18th, "KENNY!!!"
Seriously, that's what I wrote, and yes, I took up the whole... entire... box. :) My husband will love that one. ;)
For those who have NO idea what I'm talking about... Kenny Chesney is coming to Milwaukee, and I am beyond excited that I get to go!!! The first time I saw Kenny in concert, was a LONG time ago, when he was performing for FREE at a county fair. Yes, free, because no one knew who he was yet! (Crazy, right?!)  I don't remember what fair it was, but after I listened to his songs that night, I was in love. No seriously, I was....... still am.... ;)
I referred to him as "my husband" until I actually got a real husband. Now he's just my boyfriend. ;) Ok, before you think I'm crazy, I'm not. I just think he has a lot of songs with amazing lyrics. I'm the type of person who falls in love with a song because of its message... and so he hooked me.
Anyways, my awesome sisters and mom completely surprised me with the BEST Christmas gift ever... a ticket to Kenny's Concert this summer!!! I had NO idea. None. I have never been so surprised in my life... and apparently my reaction was proof of that. lol. I have never had anyone do anything so nice for me in my entire life... and the fact that my sisters and mom would plan this, buy a ticket for me, and manage to keep it a secret as long as they did, means SO much. I don't think they'll ever know how much it means to me! So, my two sisters, myself, and another friend who is basically another sister to us, will be making a day/night of it. I. CAN'T. WAIT. :)
I am beyond excited to sport my new cowgirl boots, and just have a day and night where I can go and have fun as an individual, with no worries!
The funniest part was the way they surprised me... Check out the picture below. My little sister used PAINT (the computer program) to edit this picture!!! LOL! Hilarious, and I plan on framing it along with a picture of us from the concert. :) (For those of you who don't know me, that's me sitting in the chair behind Kenny... lol) Love it.

Why blog?

It's a question my mom has asked me numerous times... Why do I need to blog?
Why do I feel it necessary to write my thoughts and feelings somewhere where anyone in the whole world can read it? Why can't I just write it down in a notebook for my own eyes to read?
The answer is actually pretty simple.
It feels better to put it all out there. I can't explain it, it just does. People who don't write may not understand, but there's something about knowing that the possibility is out there, for even one other person to relate to my experiences. If I can make just one other person feel like they are not alone in their journey, then I feel more complete. I really enjoy when people come to me for advice, on anything really. I like to listen to people and try to give them advice based on my own experiences.
I kept a blog for a good portion of my college experience. I'm so happy I did. It's amazing to look back and read my entries from back then. There are so many moments I forgot about, that make me smile and cry, and I love being able to, in a way, re-live those memories. I stopped blogging at some point, I think because my parents got mad at me for putting "too much" out there. They didn't understand why I felt the need to publicly write, so I stopped.
I've been dying to start again. It's been hard, but I have held off blogging for the past 5ish years... simply because I went through really hard times that I honestly didn't want to blog about. Well, part of me wanted to, but the other part of me knew it was for the best that I just keep quiet.
It turned out to be a good decision because I would not have wanted to look back at those moments in my life that were so difficult and made me feel so horrible. There are just some memories that are better left to be forgotten. It's hard when you are going through rough times to try and stay publicly positive. I try to post only positive statuses on my Facebook... and that is why I mostly post about my kids. They are the lights of my life, and come on, they're hilarious and cute, why would I not want to post about them?! ;)
So, as I begin a new chapter of my life, 2013, I decided it was time to start a new blog. Like I've said before, it is the best way I know to empty out my thoughts and feelings that have been trapped inside of me for far too long now. I hope at some point someone, somewhere, can find something I write about relateable. :)

Oh, and GO PACK GO!!! ;) Yup, I'm a proud Wisconsin girl!

Looking Back

...Sometimes I just need to listen to meaningful music and write the hell out of my heart...

Writing is going to be the one thing that is going to help me get back to feeling like myself again. I guess it's a long story as to how I got to where I am today... and I should probably at least attempt to tell a little bit about my journey. I have a lot of troubles to work out from the last 5 years of my life... and most days I think about everything I want to say, in my head.... and feel a strong urge to get it out on paper, out in front of me, out of my head, my heart, my soul... just get it out for the world to see, to relate to, and to make me feel like I'm not alone in my journey.

I'll start by saying I feel like I've been 3 completely different people over the past 14 years of my life. Why 14? I started high school 14 years ago (seriously?!)... and I have evolved into this person I am today, every single day since.

So lets begin the journey.

High School.

I started high school as your very average "Plain Jane" girl with a new "short" haircut (up to my shoulders, which is super short for me...), a very average wardrobe (but appropriate, which is more than we can say for today's high school girls... yikes.), and a nice mouthful of braces. Did I mention I didn't wear ANY makeup at this point in my life yet either? I'll be honest, looking back, I was not much to look at. It's no wonder I felt very invisible walking through the hallways, smiling at the occasional friendly face, but otherwise keeping my chin down in an attempt to hurry up and get to my class before the bell rang. I never wanted to be late. Late was never accepted in my household growing up. Just ask my older sis... her and I had very strict rules. Yes, I have 2 younger siblings too, but, lets be real here, they had it way easier than my older sis and I did. (My brother followed the 3 sisters... he basically had no rules by the time he got old enough to need rules! ha!) My sis and I had very strict curfews... we literally could not be a minute late, or we'd be grounded. However minutes late we were was however many days we were grounded. Needless to say, it taught us to be on time. No, it taught us to ALWAYS be early. I still, to this day, make sure I am early to everything... and if I feel like I'm running late, watch out, it's not cute. ;)

Anyways, high school.

I get really upset when I hear about today's society wanting to get rid of the Arts programs in school. If it weren't for my Art classes, I would not have made it through high school. I hated school. I, for some reason, have always hated school. No one would have EVER guessed it though... especially in High School. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that I was probably labeled as a "Goody-Goody". Apparently, just because you get really good grades and keep to yourself, you get slapped with the label of being a goody-goody. Looking back, I can't understand why I would ever have been embarrassed by this title... I should have held my head high and felt proud of the fact that I applied myself, got awesome grades, and didn't get involved in any of the drama that IS high school. I mean, right?! The most interesting part about the way I was, was my story behind it, which no one knew, tried to figure out, or cared about. My parents expected us to get good grades, there was no reason we could not apply ourselves and come home with report cards that would make them proud. I learned early on that it was not acceptable to disappoint my parents, so I tried really hard not to. (I saved that for later on in life... when I got pregnant before I was married. ;) ...) Here's the thing about the person I was in high school... I HAD to get good grades, when I wasn't in school, I HAD to work at my job, because I knew that the only way I was going to be able to afford college was to get scholarships. And I did. My whole 1st year was completely paid for by scholarships, my 2nd year was mostly paid for, and I never went a single year of college without scholarships to help me pay my way through. My parents let us know early on that they were not paying for our college, so we knew if we wanted that to be the path we'd take, we'd have to work really hard for it. And who wants to start their life off with 23947298 million dollars in student loans?! I sure as hell did NOT. And I completely agree with my parents not paying for mine or my siblings' college. There were 4 of us, it would have costed my parents a fortune they didn't have, and it taught us to be responsible with our money and to work for what we want in life. It's the same way I will be teaching my kids about responsibilities too. I am thankful my parents didn't hand me things in life, especially now that I am a parent and trying to raise my own kids the right way.

I drove a station wagon in high school. No, scratch that, I drove TWO station wagons in high school. First it was a red one... when that one decided to die, it was a white one, with a lot of rust spots and a very squeaky belt of some sort. I called it my White Limo. :) It even had one of those rear-facing seats in the very back... which my younger brother chose to sit in every time he rode with me... even when it was just me and him. lol. Was it my dream car? Gosh no. But who was I to complain when my parents provided me with a vehicle to get to school and work in?! I always said, if it gets me from point A to point B, then it's perfect. :) My parents were smart, they let my sis and I drive it, we paid for our gas, and they could use it as leverage to make us behave. I had the car taken away from me MANY times, I mean... a lot... for many reasons. When the car was taken away, it meant I had to take "gasp" THE BUS. Looking back, why was the bus such a horrible thing?! lol... kids are so weird. So as I already did not feel like a cool kid at school, when I had to ride the bus, I felt 10 times less cool. I never had a boyfriend in high school... and honestly, I'm not sure if it was because of my looks, my shyness, my ability to get extremely embarrassed (and turn bright red) whenever a cute guy talked to me, or the fact that I just honestly didn't have time for one? I like to think it had nothing to do with my looks and personality... but I'm sure it did. I was the nice girl. The quiet one who people thought they knew, but really did not. I kept to myself because I didn't believe in being mean to other people... and it seemed like high school was consumed with that. I always made a point to be nice to the people who got treated badly by others, because honestly, they were the nicest people in the end. I had many crushes, on many guys, but never felt good enough to pursue any of them. Looking back I wish I would have given myself more credit. Maybe I wasn't the prettiest girl, I didn't drink or get in trouble, but I was funny and kind, and had a lot to offer in a relationship. I guess I was just always searching for something deeper than a high school relationship anyways. My whole life I've never believed in dating someone "just" to date them. Every person I've dated, I've looked at with the intentions of marriage. If they were not marriage worthy, I wasn't going to waste my time dating them. I guess I've just always been a deep person, and in high school, people aren't looking for someone with deep thoughts, they're looking for boobs. I had those too, I just chose not to show them. lol... ;)
 My best memories of high school were made in Art Class. To say my teacher was amazing, would not give him enough credit. He changed my life. He made me realize that the path you choose in your life does not have to be about how much money you make, or what title you have... it's about what you love and feel in your heart. I've heard people say that there is 1 teacher who made a difference in their life, and he made that difference in mine. It was a class where I was allowed to be ME. I was able to do something I loved, with people with the same passion all around me. I still look to some of those people as the people who will always understand a part of me better than anyone else will. You know when you are a Senior and you vote people the "Most Popular, Best Eyes" and whatever for your Yearbook... well, I, along with one of the nicest, most talented guys I've ever met, was voted "Most Artistic". Sure, it would have been awesome to be voted something like "Best Smile"... but lets face it, no one is going to vote a mouth full of braces as the best smile. Most expensive smile, maybe. ;) It was the best compliment I've EVER gotten to be voted Most Artistic. It made me realize that people actually knew I existed... and knew I had talent. It was my first boost of confidence in high school. My second was when I was voted onto TWIRP Court. (The dance where the girls invite the guys...). I felt SO excited... shocked... noticed. It was hard to swallow though, because part of me has always wondered if it was just some kind of pity vote... or joke. I like to tell myself that maybe people voted for one of the quiet nice girls for once, because they felt I deserved it or something... but I suppose it will forever remain a mystery. It doesn't matter, I embraced it, and I had a blast at that dance. :) While I'm talking about dances, I find it important to point out that I went alone to my Junior Prom. Ok, not alone, but with a group of female friends. Apparently I wasn't awesome enough for a single guy to want to ask me to Prom... so I told myself I wasn't going to miss it, and a group of girls who had the same thought, made the choice to go... and to have fun. And we did. :) I can't say it didn't hurt not to be asked, as it was also embarrassing... but at least I still got to go. My Senior year I was asked by a guy friend to go, but I actually turned him down. I think he had stronger feelings towards me than I had for him, and I didn't want to lead him on, or make our friendship awkward. Turned out good, because the girl he ended up going with had a huge crush on him. :) I stayed home, or worked, I don't really remember what I did that night... but I guess I was just over high school at that point. I went through my Senior Year with the mindset of, "After this year, I will never have to see most of these people ever again..." Obviously, that was before Facebook. lol.........

I just feel its extremely important to explain why I feel the need to go so in depth about my high school experiences. There have been people who I've been in contact with the past 5 years of my life, who swear on their lives that I have had an easy, spoiled, problem-free life.
Let me just clear this up. I was nowhere near being popular in high school. I had dark brown hair, my natural color (did I just admit that?! lol), and 4 years worth of dental work. I still didn't wear makeup, even during my senior year. I don't know why... I just had no interest in it at that point of my life. When it came to my braces, I had 2 oral surgeries, and another oral surgery to remove my wisdom teeth, all while I had my sparkling metal smile. :) Turned out I had a hereditary teeth issue that my Grandpa had, and no one ever knew about, until it happened to me. It was worth all the nasty school pictures I have to look back on to get to where my teeth are today. :) What's that they say... a million dollar smile?! lol... maybe literally. ;)

Enter College.
Oh Lord, where do we begin?!
I'm not sure if it was the new-found freedom of college that I loved so much... or the fact that I didn't have school ALL day Monday through Friday... but it definitely changed me.
My 1st year I roomed with a girl I have known since 4th grade. She had been a best friend of mine off and on all through my life. We went through major ups and downs together, but we survived. :) That year, I met a group of guys who very quickly became my best friends. They were like my protective brothers, which would eventually prove to be both good and bad. I still love them all to this day, and always will. I shared some of the best parts of my college life with them, and even though life changes people, they are unforgettable in mine. During this year of school, I (finally) started wearing makeup... I got introduced to drinking alcohol... and I took an out of the blue trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. I'd say that sums up the way my college life began. lol...
My 2nd year of college I fell in love. I mean, I fell hard. I met a guy in, where else, my art class. We had an amazing relationship for the next 1.5 years, lived together, looked at houses to buy together (didn't end up buying one, thankfully), and planned our future life together. I was in love and I was not looking back. I would have sworn on my life that he was "the one" for me. I even remember one time we went snowboarding with some female friends of mine, and the next day one of the girls told me she broke up with her boyfriend because after spending the day with Boy and I, she realized she didn't have a connection with her boyfriend like I did with mine. I guess you could say that I was completely blindsided the night we got into a little argument over something, and he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. To say my heart was shattered, does not do justice as to what I felt in that moment. My world stopped. My world, as I knew it, ended. I never knew a heart could actually, literally, hurt, until mine did. I could not breathe. All I could do was cry. And shake. And basically have a really ugly breakdown. I remember him hugging me and holding on to me, telling me I'd be ok. I remember being mad at love and the fact that it would allow someone to fall so hard... only to be kicked back down to where you began... alone. I don't remember being mad at him. Not in that moment. I felt loss. Like someone had just died. In a way, it was me. I swear my heart stopped that night... and when it began beating again, it was beating to a different drum. I was forever changed. I remember logging onto my AIM that night, as I was bawling, and sending my little sister a message to tell her to tell my mom that Boy had just broken up with me, and not to call me, because I could not possibly get words out of my mouth. I was, at that moment, speechless. Choking on what was suppose to be my breath. My mom, as a mom would, called me anyway. I answered and could not get a word out. I remember her just asking me over and over if I was ok. We all thought this Boy would be a part of all of our lives forever... and he took us all by surprise and broke my families heart when he broke mine.
I spent the rest of that semester taking long walks at night, in disguise (hoodie, over-sized sweats, and my glasses) as not to have to talk to anyone I may have run into along the way. I didn't have the energy to entertain pointless conversations... I had a broken heart. I remember sitting alone for a very long time, at a picnic table in the middle of a patch of pine trees and just staring at my phone, waiting for Boy to realize I wasn't at our apartment, and to call me and ask where I was. He never called. That night I walked back to our apartment, went to bed in my own bed, in my own room, and was done. The rest of the nights spent sharing that apartment with him I spent going out. I'd go to the bars with my friends, just to get the hell out of the place that hurt me so badly. I'd make myself up to the point where I actually felt like I looked good, and I'd make damn sure he saw me on my way out. I guess this was my way of (for some reason) hoping he'd realize what he gave up, or at least making him feel a little jealous that another guy might be interested in me. Clearly, he must not have cared. After the break up was officially over and we went our separate ways, I found out he WAS interested in a girl from his hometown that I had met many times, and had many issues with. You could tell what she had to offer... just by looking at her, if you catch my drift. She had nothing to offer inside of her head, and I guess that's what he was looking for. Obviously, I was just too smart for him. ;) But really, it turned out to be one of those situations where throughout the last half of our relationship, she made it clear she was attracted to him, I made it clear he was taken, but he, well, he didn't make anything clear. He told me he'd never go for a girl like her because she was too dumb, too easy, too whatever... and then he turned around and did. While he was with me.
I guess I feel it's important to tell about Boy, simply because my experience with him changed me as a person. After our breakup, it's very safe to say I went pretty crazy. I met some other crazy girls along the way, and honestly, we had the time of our lives living it up at the bars... almost every night of the week. Horrible, right?! It was the way I handled my broken heart... and while I regret some of it, I can't, because I had more fun during the next couple years than I had in a very very long time. We were nuts, and the pictures I took to help me remember the nights, prove it. This was the point in college where I really started hating the school part, and loving the social part. It felt good to get dressed up and go out and get noticed again. I'd spend my nights feeling good about myself, meeting tons of people who now share hilarious memories with me, dancing on bars, getting free drinks/shots, and then dancing until we had to go home. It was a part of my life that I will never forget. And a part of my life that will forever make me laugh. Really, really really hard. lol. Like I said, we were nuts, and I am thankful for it.
After 5.5 years of college, I finally graduated. It was one of the proudest days of my life, because there were many, mannnnny moments within those 5.5 years that I almost quit. Even though I'm not currently using my degree, I'm still proud of myself for pushing through and getting one. :)

Enter Boyfriend... And Baby.

Ok, that sounds bad, I know. I met my now husband the night he graduated from college. One of my best friends at the time went to school there too, so I spent many weekends there. (I went to a different school.) I was extremely attracted to him the moment I saw him. We met, and life happened just as quickly. We dated for a year and 2 months before he proposed to me. Obviously, I said yes. Two weeks later, we found out we were also going to be having a baby. The moment I saw 2 lines on my pregnancy test, changed my life forever.
I was going to be a Mom. I was going to be a mom... and I was not married. Shit.
This, to put it nicely, was just not acceptable in my family. You get married, THEN you have a baby. That was the right and only way it was suppose to happen. So, naturally, it would be me that would test that. It's always been hard being the 2nd child in my family. My older sis has barely made any mistakes in her life. She plans everything, and then it happens, just as she plans. My life could not be any more opposite than hers. I do not plan anything anymore, because every plan I have made for my life, has not, at all, worked the way I thought it would. I'm oddly ok with this now.
The hardest moment thus far in my life, was telling my parents I was pregnant. I kept telling myself, a year from now, this will not matter. (Something I tell myself whenever I'm going through a hard time in life...) It just so happened my dad had bought a new table saw that day and was oddly putting it together in the kitchen of my parents house while I sat on the couch, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to tell them I was pregnant. I seriously thought he was going to test out his new saw by running me through it. lol. But really. I finally managed to get the words out of my mouth... and we will just say they were not happy. I don't want to go into detail, because it was a hard time in all of our lives... them learning acceptance of my not-always-so-great choices... and me learning what it felt like to truly disappoint my parents. It was a very emotional time, that thankfully worked out for the best in the end.
We were blessed with a beautiful daughter, who has forever changed my life, my soul, and has filled my heart with more love than I ever knew was possible. She was truly a surprise blessing from God, and I am so thankful she's mine. :)

My husband and I got married when I was 4 months pregnant, and that is something I would change looking back. I didn't feel good at all, I didn't look how I always dreamed of looking at my wedding, and lets be real, you're not suppose to be 4 months pregnant, wearing a white dress, at your wedding. Oh well, life has its own sense of humor too I guess. ;)

Mommy.

After becoming a mom to my 1st daughter, my life changed drastically. The bar scene was no longer, I was suddenly married with a child, and my friendships quickly faded (different points in our lives). My once skinny body was now consumed with stretch marks and an unwelcome extra jiggle. I had a really rough pregnancy (will make another post about my pregnancy nightmares), and didn't know who the person in the mirror was once again. It brought me back to my not-so-cute high school days... and made me long for my college body again. When my daughter was 6 months old, I got pregnant with my 2nd baby. This one was planned. I loved being a mommy SO much, that I wanted more kids immediately. Little did I know the tole this would take on my already suffering body.  9ish months later I was blessed with my 2nd beautiful daughter. Life as Mommy was amazing. I lost all of my 19 pounds I gained with my second pregnancy within the week after I delivered. I felt ok again, but still didn't know how to deal with my changed body. A year later I got pregnant with my 3rd child, my baby boy. He's now almost 5 months old and I am trying to dig my way out of a hole I like to call "Baby Weight". I'm at the point where I walk past a mirror and I don't even want to look in it because I know the reflection I see, is NOT the reflection I want. Having 3 kids, 3 and under is hard to begin with. Then you try to squeeze in working out and eating healthy, and it is a huge challenge. I've lost all of my confidence again. I find myself hating more things about my looks than I like these days. I am extremely hard on myself now, and am determined to fight my way back to feeling good again. Feeling like ME again.

But, then again, I need to figure out what mix of the 3 me's from my past, is the right "me". If that makes sense? I've gone through so many body changes, which also forced me to go through so many emotional changes, that it is going to be a huge challenge for me to get life straightened out again. But, I'm here. I'm trying. And I'm determined.

Dandelions

...I just love this quote...

"When you look at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds... or a hundred wishes."

Why Finding Pennies?

I suppose I should probably explain my thinking behind the name of my blog... Finding Pennies.
I came up with this name a while back... and sadly, it had already been taken as a blog name on the blogger website. I was bummed, so I tried coming up with other names... but none "felt" right. I feel like the title is just extremely fitting in my life, and the way I think about life in general. So I held off on making a blog. I always have so many things (and opinions) I'm thinking about that I'd love to write out. So the other day, I randomly checked the name again, and it was no longer taken. I have NO idea how this happened... but I felt it was a sign. (Yes, I completely believe in signs...) So, I made it mine as quickly as I possibly could.
My whole life I've always gotten really excited every time I find a penny on the ground. I have picked up every single penny (seriously!) I have come across... heads or tails facing up, doesn't matter. I don't believe that just because tails is facing up, it's bad luck to pick it up. (Maybe this explains why my luck isn't so great...?!) A penny is a penny... it has worth, even if it is just a tiny bit. It may be little, but every time I find one, it makes me happy. I feel like it's a little moment in time that appears out of the blue, just to make me smile. Life is exactly the same. To me, life is truly about the little things. I always say, it's the little things in life, like finding pennies, that make my heart beat. So this blog is based on the little moments that happen in life... the ones that make us smile, the ones that make us cry, the ones that make us fill with anger, and the ones that make us richer just by having experienced them. So here's to finding pennies... "Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck." ;)

.2013.

I find it completely fitting that my first post on my brand new blog starts on the first day of a brand new year... January 1st, 2013!
As another new year begins, most people make promises to themselves about the year to come, and call them "New Years Resolutions". Some get fulfilled... but lets be honest, most don't. For me, 2013 is going to be all about reshaping my life in whatever ways it takes to make myself as happy as possible. Working hard to reshape my body, my mind, and my surroundings. Since becoming a wife and a mom I've lost "me"... due to the fact that my time is now spent taking care of everyone else (the definition of a mom). I believe that the mood of a household depends on the mood of the Mommy, completely blind to what put her in that mood. I've forgotten what it means to be an individual and I find myself completely self-conscious when my kids aren't with me. This year I'm going to figure out how to have fun again (not involving Barbies and Play-doh) and get myself out of the slump I've been in for 4 years now. I'm exhausted from the "challenges" life has thrown at me over those years and I'm ready to figure out a way to get past it all. I love my kids SO much that I need to be able to assure myself I'm doing everything I can to be the mom that they deserve, which means being and feeling healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally. The next few days I'll be deleting "friends" from Facebook and my life, as I'm tired of entertaining people who don't return the effort of a friendship or who I've had to pretend to like simply because they know my husband. I've taken a lot of time lately to think about my life and where it's going and I've found myself wishing there was a way to see ourselves in the future, so that today's choices could be more easily made. It's hard to know which path is the one that will lead us to a happier tomorrow. I'm determined to figure it out... for my own sanity. ;) So here's to 2013 being full of its own challenges, its own happiness, and its own answers to life. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

...And thanks for reading my blog! ;)